Here’s to 2019

Sunday, 13 January 2019

For me 2018 was a pretty uneventful year, in terms of the things I did or the places I went to. However, it was a year of self-reflection and re-assessment. I started to work more on myself and pay more attention to myself and my surroundings. I started to cherish more the little things. It still was a confusing and quite overwhelming year for the most part and I went through a lot of ups and downs and through quite a lot of changes but I made it out.

For 2019, I hope to continue growing, learning and getting to know myself more. But above all that, I want to focus on myself, and I don’t mean it in a self-centered sense. I just want to shamelessly be myself and love being myself. I’ve always struggled and I’ve always wanted to be less anxious, less awkward, less introverted, more outgoing, more social, more giving...more someone and and something else. I know that’s wrong but I sometimes I just can’t help it and I can’t just “blame” it on my anxiety.

I’ve always wanted to control everything and be “perfect”, even if I know that’s impossible. I may not be capable of a lot of things but I’ve worked my ass off to fight my anxiety, to push myself out of my comfort zone and to grow. I’ve worked myself to the ground in school and in life in general. And for so many years I’ve demanded myself a level of perfection that I’d never ask of any other person. Now that’s exhausting and I’m tired.

Like I said, I do want to grow in 2019 and keep getting better but above all I want to believe it when I tell myself those three little words: I AM ENOUGH. I am enough no matter the circumstances, no matter what I do or where I am, no matter if I am at my worst or at my best. I could always do better but it’s okay to just be me. I still matter and I’m still important. I want to allow myself to just be enough this year. I want to be the best version of me.

I do have a list of “smaller and realistic”goals, not resolutions, on my bujo that I want to reach whether that’s daily or more long-term. I want to focus on those as well as they all encourage myself to be better for my future which I think just complements the idea of my main goal for this year.

I hope 2019 is good to you all.

Anna x

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